My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had sex on a roof
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
