i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
