I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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