I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
