so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
