do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
