If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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