Small penises have feelings too.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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