Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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