none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
