I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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