I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
