Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
