And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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