Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
