Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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