how do flat chested girls get laid?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
