I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
