I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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