I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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