ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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