I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
