You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
