Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
