Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
