I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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