You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
BRING THE BAGELS
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