Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't tell me you're on acid again
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
