my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
