omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
