Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think my moral compass just broke
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