She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
