dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
