Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
