Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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