TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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