hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
