Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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