if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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