I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
