I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
