Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
