now i know why i became what i already was.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
