So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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