He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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