I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
