So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
