living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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