i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
