Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
